Fifteen Minutes a Day Can Make All the Difference

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One of the number one concerns that lead parents to seek therapy for their child is that the child’s behaviors seem “out of control.” Perhaps they are refusing to do anything the parent asks them to do or they go ballistic when it’s time to shut down the iPad. Other parents recount their child’s constant need for attention or unwillingness to complete their homework assignments, and the toll it is taking on the family.

When a parent comes in with these sorts of complaints I suggest that the parent spending additional one-on-one time with the child might make all the difference. However, between work, homework, sports practices, and endless to-do lists, it can feel almost impossible to find quality time with our kids. 

The good news? You don’t need hours a day to make a meaningful difference.

Even setting aside 10–15 minutes of focused, undivided attention per day (or even a few times per week) can improve your child’s self-esteem and confidence – both of which influence their ability to regulate emotions, build relationships, handle challenges, and achieve their goals. One-on-one time can also strengthen your bond and help your child feel truly seen and loved.

Steps to Building Strong Connections

1. Quality Over Quantity

It’s not about how long you spend together — it’s about how present you are.

Ten focused minutes of your full attention (phone off, TV muted, no multitasking) can mean more to your child than a whole day of distracted parenting. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), positive parent-child interactions — even short ones — play a huge role in building children’s emotional security and resilience (CDC, 2023).

Try to schedule time with one child at a time if you can. If you have multiple kids, consider alternating days or splitting the time up between them. What matters most is that they feel they’re getting you, fully.

2. Make It Part of Your Routine

Routine is everything for kids. Knowing they have predictable time with you each day (or most days) helps them feel safe and secure. Children thrive on structure, and even a few minutes a day of predictable connection helps to lower their stress and boost their self-esteem (American Academy of Pediatrics, 2019).

Some families find after school works best. Others fit it in after dinner or even during a quiet morning. It honestly doesn’t matter when — it just matters that it happens consistently. 

3. Let Your Child Take the Lead

Remember, it's about them. Let your child pick the activity. Even if you’re playing Candyland for the 300th time or building with Legos until your fingers go numb, showing interest in what they love sends the message that you care about who they are. When you let them choose, you're saying: "What you like matters to me. You matter to me."

4. Just Watch and Enjoy

During this time together, slow down and simply observe your child. Notice what lights them up. Watch what makes them proud, silly, or excited. Taking the time to notice — really notice — helps you reconnect with the incredible little person growing right in front of you.

5. Show You’re Paying Attention

This part might feel awkward at first, but trust me, it works. Narrate what your child is doing like a sports commentator:

“I notice you're only using red and blue bricks.”

“I can tell you’re having so much fun right now.”

It might feel silly, but this running commentary shows your child they’re being seen and appreciated — a major boost for their self-esteem.

6. Focus on Praise, Not Correction

Special Play Time isn’t about fixing behavior or teaching lessons. It’s about connection. Ignore minor misbehavior unless it’s unsafe, and focus instead on praising what’s going right:

“I love how patient you’re being.”

“You’re being such a good sport.”

“That's a creative idea.”

This approach reinforces the positive behaviors you want to see and reminds your child of all the things they’re doing right — which, again, helps build self-esteem.

All Good Things Must Come to an End

Ending enjoyable time together can be tough at first — especially if this is new for your child. They might beg for more, or seem a little upset. That’s okay. Validate their feelings ("I know it's hard to stop when we’re having so much fun.") and reassure them that you will have your time together again. If you use a calendar or daily schedule, show them when their next one-on-one time is coming. Predictability helps kids feel secure.

Will this work with teens?

Parents of teens might be thinking, "My teenager does not want to spend time with me." You would be surprised how many teens tell me they wish they had more individual time with their parents. Regardless of what you do the need for connection doesn't go away with age, it just looks different.

Since teens have busy schedules and often want to do what they want to do when they have free time, you may have to wait until they are willing to make time for you. But when they do, take it! Instead of 15 minutes a day, aim for one intentional hangout per week. Many teenagers still love board games and puzzles. Painting nails or going for walks are other ways to engage with your teen. Use that time to listen more than you talk. Let your teen steer the conversation. Teenagers may act like they don’t care — but consistent, low-pressure time together reminds them you’re still a safe place, even when they don’t always show it.

At the end of the day, every child (and every teen) wants the same thing: To feel loved, seen, and valued. You don’t need to clear your whole schedule. You don’t need to plan elaborate outings. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be fully present, for a few minutes at a time. Those minutes add up to a stronger bond, a happier child, and a more peaceful family life.